Rights to Write: Task Two

Oct. 06-12

[Description]

1.
Many times, we are mad at people for the things they have done. However, we also hear people say: “I am doing this for YOU!” or “I meant well. You will understand when you grow up”.

When hearing responses like this,
have you ever tried to calm down and rethink the whole thing?
rethink about things from a new angel?
or rethink about things with a different logic?
Why or why not?
Give a real example and elaborate on it.

2.
My parents just don't get it: Depression

[My Own Comments]

1.
The questions ask us how we react when people claim that they are doing things for us or for our own good, and we’ll understand it when we grow up. The example about the depression, however, seems about someone who feels misunderstood. These two aspects look like quite different issues, but both related to the matter of communication. The former is the case in which we don’t understand people; the latter is the case in which we feel people don’t understand us. Then, obviously, why don’t we try to understand each other?

My answer directly to the questions is: It depends, especially on what relation between the one concerned and me: I’ll take the following into consideration: Are we remote or close? Is the situation social or personal? Are we of the same gender or two genders?

IF I know we’re different or there’s conventional ethics between us, I would try to calm down, rethink about the whole thing from a new “angle” (note: there’s a typo in the description) or with a different logic. In this case, since we’re supposed to have such different views and speech, we particularly need to communicate. As what I mentioned in Task One, it’s crucial to understand each other in spite of our different stances, for everyone has self-esteem and needs to be noticed and respected. If people are doing things for me or for a good purpose, I’ll calmly ask for their explanations to me instead of omitting this little kind effort. Nevertheless, this liberal attitude may happen only when I feel open-minded and willing to communicate.

IF the one concerned is close to me or is whom I care about very much, but he or she fails to understand me as I have expected, however, I might feel so hurt that I couldn’t calm down and rethink the situation objectively. In this case, to deal with emotions first might be better than to deal with merely the things. It sounds unreasonable and unfair to treat those who are close to us worse than those who are not, but we, including me, often make such a mistake. What we or “I” should do is that don’t take it too personally. If we can practice our virtues to those who are not close us, we should remember hold the same thoughtful attitude toward those who are close us. Thus, loving family and close friends may understand each other better.

The two conditions above are based on my own position. What if the one concerned doesn’t feel the same? It’ true that people have bias and often feel reluctant to communicate. Perhaps other strategies are suitable. There must be some other ways to solve the problem in addition to direct communication. And sometimes we should let it be without doing anything but only temporarily. It’s Okay that problems are not solved immediately, but the problem would exist and even become deep and complicated if we never untie the “knots” in our hearts, which would damage our relationships.

2.
As for the depression in the story, to the parents, I suggest that the parents should listen to their child first, so that the child would feel understood. And then the parents should offer help and support, such as positive encouragement and serious advice. Blaming their child, in their opinion, is a type of help, but it is too negative and would cause a vicious circle. Instead, it might be better to give serious yet calm advice. To the child, I propose “learning” to be optimistic. No matter what kind of personalities and problems that people have, optimistic and pessimistic people all tend to welcome only optimistic people. In the cruel reality, most people would be mean to the miserable that stay sentimental, whereas people would more easily to accept and take compassion on the miserable that always look everything on the bright side. Depression is a curable illness. Keeping hopeful will defeat it, and the experience would be a good lesson; otherwise, no one would save us if we don’t want to help ourselves.

[My Keypal's Comments and My Response]
Click "Week Two" to read them.